Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Beach

I think what I love most about the beach is no matter who you are, it remains the same to everyone, for the most part. When I am here, it's wonderful because everyone around me is loving it too. Maybe it relaxes me so much because your whole life, you are told that that is what the beach is supposed to do for you. When I started this blog, I named/titled it what I did with the hopes of having it become something better than that (because it's always easier to exceed a low expectation, right?) What I've figured out lately is that it won't be, and more importantly, that I don't care. Speaking only for myself, I think that oftentimes we say little or nothing at all if we don't feel like it is relevant or interesting enough for someone else. At least that's how I felt (how silly am I?:P) I've thought about having a "thought of the day". Maybe that would be somewhat entertaining. Especially coming from a scatter brain like me. However, if that was how I had decided to do this, it would probably go something like this: Day 1: "Taco Bell is like the bad boy of men...you want him so bad, he's fun and enjoyable for a little while, and then he does REALLY bad things to you" Even writing that knowing I thought it sounded the least bit profound at one point in time is embarrassing. (I will consider this a baby attempt at vulnerability...go me [see previous post])

Because my mind has the tendency to shift on a minute-by-minute basis, I eventually redirected towards these thoughts that I couldn't put away. Too often we say things like "It could be better" instead of realizing how much worse our lives could be. I won't say what spurred this on, but I am thankful God gives me the wisdom to see it. This isn't the first time I've come to this conclusion, but each time I do, it embarrasses me a little more. My church has helped open my eyes more. I feel like this may be a bad thing, but sometimes I don't even like to credit the "church". At least not out loud or in a context such as this. A large number of people I know can hear/read that word and instantly their brain shuts off to anything that follows. That aside, it HAS helped, me.

Recently, Pete talked of how we've grown to only compare ourselves and other aspects of our lives with those in our so-called "brackets". In other words, our social class. We measure up our problems and justify our faults against our best friends' and our significant others'. I'm only reiterating any of this because it's immensely true of me. So many times I forget that there is a whole world out there. There are families who's greatest concern is whether or not they will get to eat that day. And here I am SERIOUSLY worrying about how I will afford a bigger apartment. So that I can fill it full of more stuff. The truth about my life right now is that I am rich. I do not need for a single thing and yet still, I am being blessed with more.

I have my own version of what my kind of Heaven will be like for me, but at the same time I can't help but assume that I am already living someone else's picture of it. I wish there was a way to maintain that sort of perspective. It makes me sick that I lose sight of it more often than not. I think it is definitely something I can pray for, though. Those are the kinds of prayers that seem to be answered the quickest for me. Anything that concerns self-improving for that matter. I feel like the answers to those prayers are probably the closest God will ever come to responding with a, "Well my dearest Kate....Hell Yes".