57º

These are the kinds of days that verify how much the weather affects my mood. It's is 57º outside and I am overwhelmingly happy.

Timing is Everything

I Like This..

Yum

I think my new favorite combination has to be powdered donuts and sweet tea. Not everything has to be profound, right? It's going to be a great day.
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12:54am -- It was a great day!

Peace

A really good friend of mine and I were talking the other day about how there are certain times in your life where you wake up in the morning with an uncomfortable weight on your chest. There could be nothing really wrong with the day itself, yet somehow, there is. It's a weird and uncomfortable feeling for me. And it's hard to explain. The best way i can is simply to say that there must be something in my life that isn't/wasn't right.

I am excessively stubborn. So when I have this feeling, my first response to it is to shove it off. In my mind I say "I can deal with this later" or "I can figure out what this is later". No one wants to hurt. And there are many times when even though I know the right thing to do, I can't do it. Because "not hurting" sounds better than any alternative, especially when a decent alternative seems unimaginable.

After that, I start arguing with God. These arguments go something like this:

[" Kate, You know that I know what's best for you, and if you'd just trust me, I'd blow your expectations out of the water. Just trust me. You've done it before. You know how it works"
" Well, Lord, you are great. And I love you. But this hurts, and I'm a thinker...so you know I've sat around and thought up any other kind of alternative that could make me happier than this...and I can't...so it'll be ok for me to stay where I am. at least for just a little while longer, ok? I promise. i'll be ok."]

So after about 578 of those ^, I break down. To make a long drawn out, monotonous story shorter, I do the right thing. And eventually, after feeling like I'd rather die than live most days, I start to heal.

And that leads to today. For lack of a better explanation, I'll just say I have an overwhelming amount of peace inside me. I have hope and i know that I am going to be ok. It's sad to say that this isn't the first time I've finally given in and trusted that God knows what's best for me more than I do. It's not even the twentieth time. I can't stop thinking about how wonderful it is to have a God that sticks with me and my stubbornness, right down to the 578th try...and then some...and then some more.

Doggy Treats

For some reason I can't seem to find a way around describing my life metaphorically. That being said, this is today..

Have you ever seen someone who has one of those dogs that does that "treat on the nose" trick? The owner will tell the dog to lay down and then he will slowly set a dog treat on the dog's nose. Then, he'll proceed to make the animal lay there for at least one excruciating minute until finally he will say, "ok" and the dog will flip the treat up, and eat it.

That is the best way I can explain how i feel now. I have no idea what direction my life is going in. I do, however, have enough (just enough) faith to know God has placed some sort of treat right on my nose. And I am just laying here, waiting. It's not comfortable at all being in the in-between. All around me I feel like everyone has so much more than I figured out, and that I'm behind. It isn't easy, and I hate it more often than not. But I know each day I am uncomfortable in this way, I am being built into someone completely different, and much better. I've never in my life taken so much time to continually dive into love with Him like I am now, and I hate that it's taken so long to get to this. Over and over again He has proven me wrong in thinking I need certain things to feel as if I'm moving forward. So for today and for who knows how long after, I'm going to make my best attempt at being "still".

For Musical inspiration (because I am obsessed with musical literature)
(click this) "Maybe What You Need is a Different Kind of Love"

I also recommend this blog: Pete Wilson (Pastor at Crosspoint)
Specifically, for it relates to my own, January 17th